Monday, June 25, 2007

God's Design For Marriage, Part 9

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Recap of June 24, 2007:
Basic assumptions to fulfilling God’s goal for marriage:
-our mate is God’s provision for our aloneness needs (Genesis 2:22-24), weaknesses and all. The Fall brought about blame instead of acceptance.
-God’s only agent for change is unconditional love, not pressuring or haranguing them to change. Marriage is not a “makeover project.”
-God uses our mate to perfect our character. Our mate’s weaknesses are an opportunity for us to grow.
-Our mate’s weaknesses are an opportunity for us to be needed. “Perfect” people are lonely people.
(Source: Meredith, Don. "Becoming One.")

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

God's Design For Marriage, Part 8

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Recap of June 17, 2007:
1. Marriage Killer #11: Not recognizing or progressing through the stages of a relationship.
-Stage #1, Infatuation – tendency to see only the good in another person, to hide flaws, to please the other person without thought of return.
-Stage #2, Reality – beginning to see the other person’s faults, personality weaknesses and to let ours be seen. Should occur during courtship. Married couples have an obligation to get through this phase if they have not previously.
-Stage #3, Adjustment – Forgiveness, reconciliation, sacrifice, and conflict resolution are common.
2. Marriage Killer #12 – Confusion and changes in society regarding marriage and roles of men and women in marriage. Lack of familial and cultural support for marriage.
3. Marriage Killer #13 (a catch-all!) Finances, interfering in-laws, substance abuse, addictive behavior, career success at the expense of the marriage and family.
(Sources for the above: Roger & Becky Tirabassi, How to Live with Them Since You Can’t Live Without Them; Don Meredith, Becoming One; James Dobson)

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

God's Design For Marriage, Part 7

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Recap of June 10, 2007:
Staying pure in a sexually charged society:
1. Determine beforehand what your limits are and remind yourself often.
2. Don’t toy with immorality – be especially careful about your thought life and about what you look at.
3. Build God’s standard into your life through Bible reading and study, prayer, scripture meditation and memorization. Determine to have nothing but God’s best for your life.
4. If necessary, flee the situation. 1 Corinthians 6:12-18; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8; Genesis 39:6-12 5. Make a list of the consequences if you fail.
6. If you have already failed morally confess your sin to God, receive His forgiveness, recommit your life to His way, ask for His power to stop, and remember that there are consequences even for forgiven sin.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

God's Design For Marriage, Part 6

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Recap of June 3, 2007:
1. Marriage killer number ten: Conflict over the sexual relationship
2. God designed the physical relationship in marriage to build intimacy, instead it often builds distance.
3. In 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 Paul (under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit) warns married couples to not withhold their bodies from each other except in rare instances and then only for prayer. To violate this instruction is to invite Satan’s destructive work into a marriage.
4. A couple’s response to each other and growth in this area can be hindered by such things as not understanding the differences between men and women in this area, exhaustion, addictions (especially to pornography), and mental adultery (see Matthew 5:27,28).
5. For more in this area see Williard Harley, His Needs, Her Needs; Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, Intimate Issues; Clifford and Joyce Penner, The Gift of Sex; Dr. Ed Wheat, Intended for Pleasure.

God's Design For Marriage, Part 5

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Recap of 5/27/07
Threats to God's design for marriage ("Why Marriages Fail" by Kerby Anderson, Probe Ministries):
-Escalation ("Negative Interaction Spiral")-negative exchanges that become increasingly hostile, often begun over minor things. 1 Peter 3:9; Proverbs 12:18; James 1:26; 3:1ff
-Invalidation - subtly or overtly putting down your mate's thoughts, feelings, character, personality. Matthew 5:22; Proverbs 25:20
-Negative Interpretations - Consistently making negative assumptions about your mate's actions, words, motives (discounting positive things, magnifying negative things). 1 Corinthians 4:1-5
-Withdrawl & Avoidance - unwillingness to openly and honestly deal with uncomfortable issues. Ephesians 4:25-27

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

God's Design For Marriage, Part 4

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Recap of 5/20/07
Threats to God’s design for marriage (partial sources: Becoming One by Don Meredith, Marriage Builder by Larry Crabb)
-selfishness/self-centeredness – capacity for inflicting hurt, destructive practices, failure to reign in the sin nature (Matthew 15:10-20; James 3)
-a fantasy view of love – viewing love as primarily a feeling rather that a commitment to the highest good of another person. God does give intense emotional feelings but they are the result of love, not the basis for love.
-emphasis on becoming happy and fulfilled rather than on a holy, obedient walk with God, abandoning God’s will when the going gets tough
-faithfulness to Scripture is made optional, needs and emotions trump Biblical injunctions, puts us in the spotlight and Christ on the sidelines of our lives